I was doing a simple task.
Sweeping.
When suddenly my hands began to
curl up, as if I had been carrying plastic grocery bags with gallons of
milk in them, I could not get them to open up. As my fingers started to turn
towards my palms the broom fell from my hands and bounced loudly off the
hardwood floor. I shook my hands, hoping that whatever had caused this would
somehow come to its senses and send feeling back into my appendages, and even
after a quick rubdown my hands were tingling as if they had fallen asleep and sharp pains stabbed the backs of them, as if sharp toothpicks were being plunged into each vein repeatedly. I
thought over in my mind why this could be happening? Being the daughter of an
MD, and having both a mother and grandmother as Registered Nurses I was trained
well to “assess the situation,” but then the feeling passed. I picked up the
broom again and started where I had left off. My thoughts took me back,
reviewing the past two or three weeks…
“This had happened before, hadn’t
it?”
“How many times did I drop the
pizza cutter? The steak knives? A can of…whatever
as I was placing on the counter?”
Too many to count.
“Maybe I was just getting old? (I was getting ready to turn forty after all.)”
I realized that it was time to
mention this to the Coach (my husband). He was in his Man Cave int he basement of our rental home, reviewing game film.
“Probably nothing to worry about.”
I told him, already brushing it off. “Just thought you should know, but I probably should get it
looked at…what do you think?”
“Couldn’t hurt.”
And thus began nearly two years of
tests, misdiagnoses (which almost lead to unneeded carpal tunnel surgery on
BOTH hands), Cortisone shots, MRI's, over $8,000 in medical bills, and finally the diagnosis of diseases that the
medical community are calling “syndromes.” This simply means that medical
science has not yet been able to identify the exact cause for pains like mine. Oh sure there are "helps" for MD's, guidelines as to what it "probably" is or "might" be, but each person suffering from these conditions is so different that pinpointing the root cause for our medical community is like finding a needle in a haystack of nerves, nearly an insurmountable task. Coming to one conclusion for so many varying degrees of a disease (but we will discuss this more later), and to find a cure for something that is so diverse in it's manifestations in each body is close to impossible. Yet, I have faith.
My ability to hold a broom has
grown into my inability to wake up on any given day, or make dinner for my
family. It is that an educated woman, a former public speaker can no longer find
the right words to explain to #4 (my little boy, 4 years) what we are having
for lunch. “I will make you a sandwich with the nut stuff and…fruit stuff on
it.” (WHAT?!) I cannot see every detail of my child’s face on a stage during a
school music program, or Coach’s hair (what is left of it. Lol) as I cut it
(don’t tell him I take a guess. Lol).
I have finally found an AMAZING GP here
in Wyoming who has been working diligently with me, determined to help me alleviate
or eliminate the things that are causing what has now become “chronic” pain and
symptoms. Which is good because the prognosis is…
This body, this pain riddled body
will NOT be free of the fatigue, sharp, stabbing pains, migraines and cluster
headaches, constant tension (the kind that feels like my head is going to snap
off from my neck), lack of sleep, burning sensations, tingling, lack of muscle
control, depression, anxiety, or constant cramping (which is funny since I don’t
have a uterus…one of many things we did before knowing what was really going
on)…AS LONG AS I LIVE.
Heaven sometimes looks pretty good.
The whole being a spirit thing
would really work out for me.
IF I did not have #1-#4 and Coach.
I would miss them terribly.
I have SO much to get out and
share. And I feel like there is JUST not enough information when SO many people
are suffering.
What I learn I will share. You may
have already seen it, or know it, but perhaps we can start to collaborate and
come together to overcome these things that keep us prisoners, tortured by our
own bodies.
I want to be free of this body, but
since I am stuck in it, I might as well use this to do some good.
Please join me! Feel free to
comment. Try to share a humorous story about your chronically inflamed body.
Might as well laugh a little…crying will only give you another headache. J
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